The 12 Suggested Steps of Jaffacakeaholics Anonymous
We admitted we were powerless over Jaffa cakes --that our lives had become unmanageable because all we do is eat Jaffa cakes, which gives us great big fat tummies and serious digestive problems.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Like a product recall.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. And to stop eating so many Jaffa cakes
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves, and our stash of Jaffa cakes
Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. You scoff them, or you nibble delicately. Any other way of eating the divine JC is sinful.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character and facial blemishes.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings, short bread, and short belts.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Especially the supermarket staff on the biscuit aisle the day the Jaffa Cakes were out of stock. I will feel forever guilty.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Yeah, that poor little shop assistant would have died had their "out of stock" tickets not done a miraculous job of replacing his rectal lining. Best not to remove.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. Sorry, I realise that it was wrong to try and hold the McVities factory hostage.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His next Jaffa Cake delivery for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to Jaffacakeaholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs, whether tea party or night-time movie n munchie binge.